Dating equals death!

I recently took an on-line course to improve my dating abilities. Okay, really it was an on-line questionnaire, but I’m still trying.

One of the questions is how do you know when you’re attracted to someone?

Well, usually I start to sweat; I blush, and if I’m really attracted to someone I’ll say or do something to prove how socially awkward I am. When I was about twelve, I went to a church camp out, and I was in the same car as my crush. Awesome, right? Well, we arrived at the campground, and he said he needed to answer the call of nature. I thought he meant a nature hike so when he started walking to the woods I followed. He turned around and said I need to pee. I turned to walk away and tripped, rolled down a hill and landed in front of the rest of the new camp arrivals. Awful, awful.

Another question pretty much nailed why I have trouble dating long-term. On a scale of 1-10 how scared of commitment are you?

I’m pretty good with commitment when it comes to adopting a cat or buying a car. My fear when committing to another human in a romantic way, on a scale from 1 to 10 is usually a 15. People normally think, “Commitment: it’s secure, and solid.” When I hear the word commitment, I can see the secure and solid bars of a mental institution closing in on me. I’m really independent and need my personal space the way single men need porn. I only need it when I’m awake.

Which brings us to my favorite question, what are the excuses you use to avoid asking someone out on a date?

Well, first of all, I have trouble understanding when a man needs to go to the bathroom….so I guess the excuse there is I don’t want to be embarrassed. Now I’m pretty sure if I ask someone out, and they say yes, they actually want to spend time with me. Second excuse I don’t have time to spend on a relationship. However, the real excuse is fear. I’m terrified that life will careen out of control, and I’ll fail and life will have no meaning, and I’ll DIE.

So it’s pretty hard to sit there and say, wow that guy is really cute and nice. But wait, if I ask him out, I just might die. It’s hard to overcome that perspective. Hopefully, I’ll find the answer in my next online course/questionnaire, how to ask men out and not die.