This last weekend I took a motorcycle riding course. It. Was. Awesome! I was introduced to my bike, let’s say mini Harley and it was like my first crush, all smiles and flirting, taking the corners slow and speeding through the straight-ways. Good times.
Sunday was the last day of the class and test time. I was confident, well cocky is a better word. Then it started to rain. Riding a motorcycle is different in the rain. It’s like trying to walk on the beach in heels. So I failed the test and felt like screw motorcycles, and screw the rain, and screw high heels!
So I was feeling pretty lousy when out of the blue, an old boyfriend emails me to see how I was doing. I could really use an ego boost, so I wrote him back. We chit chatted for a couple of days, and then I decided to put him through the test. You see, in a relationship, I like to put men through an emotional obstacle course, to see if they're really interested.
Obstacle one: I’m going to ignore you until you pay attention to me. I didn’t respond to his email to see if he would email me again, first day nothing, second day nothing, third day...nothing.
Okay he must not see the obstacle course, so I’ll send a slightly passive-aggressive email designed to remind him how fun I am and how he should pursue me. Nothing again. Screw men, screw email and screw high heels!
At least, I can rely on my job. I’m really good at it, and my coworkers think I’m pretty great too.
My boss announced on Monday our company was bought out and by the end of the month, everyone would be out of a job…The new employee, I helped train, hired a month ago was a secretly an employee of the take-over company…Now it's my job to train three new harpies from the new company on the computer system…Screw jobs, screw bosses, and screw high heels!
I find it’s best to keep a positive attitude when the crap hits the fan.
Motorcycle test failure: Retake the test, simple.
Old boyfriend not changing: Thank you for reminding me that we’re not a good fit and I don’t need to waste time trying to change you.
Losing my job: Get revenge with glitter! How does one get revenge with glitter? You get a giant pack of glitter and hand it out to your co-workers, and you dump the glitter every-fucking-where! Have you ever tried to clean glitter? It’s like trying to get dry in a monsoon. Impossible.
So now that I’m fired…..I've got an opening for a company who doesn't mind a sense of humor, appreciates the way I can motivate a group, and realizes how awesome I look in heels.