I'm a fat emo kid

I've noticed that there are a few types of comedians out there.

1.  The self-deprecator: The life of this guy will make you feel better about yourself in about five seconds. He's the equivalent of taking a city bus ride to Walmart on a hot Saturday at 2pm in the afternoon. You're certain to to feel like the winner of the group.

2.  The loather: The only thing she hates more than herself is you! She's the verbal equivalent to a dominatrix. You will take the pain and like it; you worthless soul-sucker!

3.  The moms-only: This guy will make a joke about every cliche concerning drugs, lovers, parents, and wanting to sleep all the time. You'll groan rather than laugh, but feel connected since you can tell the same lame joke at work tomorrow.

4.  The philosopher: This woman will make you laugh 'til it hurts. You begin by swimming in the shallow end of the pool with phallus jokes and puns, and then you get sucker punch in your belief zone. You don't know whether to laugh or cry as she rips apart your favorite song, political candidate, and theism.

I'm trying to find my voice as a comedian. I'm just not very good yet. I long to be "the philosopher" comedian and strike some sense into those boxed in out-dated beliefs, including me! I hate to feel afraid (translation: out of control) and performing in front of people is one of the last walls that surround my soul. Yeah I can do that. It's a better career than doling out medications to people choking on their last breath.